If We Were Having Coffee

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If we were having coffee,
I’d ask only that you smile earnestly.
So that I may commit it to memory.
I’d memorize its shadow,
So that I could conjure it when
a pale moon kisses the sea.

If we were having coffee,
I’d try to not let you see,
that your smile breaks me.
I’d stare at the curve of your lips,
remembering how they painted
every contour of the design that is me.

If we were having coffee,
My cup would remain empty.
Six years and you still don’t know that I drink tea.
& that I hate flowers.
Especially those that smell like
the lies born of infidelity.

If we were having coffee,
I’d caress the line of your jaw hungrily.
Kiss your fingertips slowly.
Because soon the only comfort I will find,
will be in their ghostly imprints lingering
along my body.

If we were having coffee,
I would sip the sound of your voice ardently,
Inhale your musky scent greedily.
Somewhere in the future I will use these
to recreate a past filled with long summer nights
where you whispered your devotion breathlessly.

If we were having coffee,
I’d feel afraid- misplaced- Lonely.
Because I’ve lost you already.
I lost you a long time ago.
When you stopped holding my hand in the rain
& began to love me distantly.

If we were having coffee,
I’d search your eyes desperately,
For the man who fell in love with me,
& pray for the strength to ask him
to love me again…just enough
to set me free.

Amanie
April 7th, 2015

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